Episode 7: Trish Heinrich and Mom Guilt
Writer Mom Life Episode 7: Trish Heinrich and Mom Guilt
- Her goals for this book and her 5 year goal
- “Doing the basics well” (mailing list, website, ARC team, etc.)
- The web series she did with her husband
- Why she made the shift to fiction writing (hint: kids and acting is even harder to juggle than kids and writing!)
- How she prepared for her first NaNoWriMo (while being a vegetarian!)
- Dealing with the mom guilt of writing so much in one month
- The writing habits she kept from the experience
- Why the experience was a good thing for both her and her family
(Disclosure: some of the links below are affiliate links. This means that at no cost to you, we get a small commission if you click through and make a purchase.)
Her first book: Serpent’s Sacrifice (The Vigilante’s Book 1)
Her website: http://trishheinrich.com/
J. R.’s tips and links:
There seems to be this pervasive expectation in the culture of the USA that moms should be able to care for the children, go to work, keep the house clean, schedule and manage all appointments, attend school events, and cook wholesome meals for the family every day, and if you do anything less you must be failing as a mother. This expectation seeps into our psyche, and is very hard to shake, even when you know better.
But it is important to remember that pursuing your own passions now and then, and having some time to ourselves, is actually — honestly — better for both YOU and the rest of your family!
In order to make this happen, here are a few things to do:
- Plan ahead – make it known to your kids and SO/spouse that this will be happening, when, and for how long.
- Ask for help – if you have older kids, now is the time to delegate some household tasks to them! If you already do that, give them another task to take care of during the time/day/week you’re going to be taking time for yourself to free up your own schedule and give you less to “catch up on” later. Same goes for the SO/spouse: assign duties beforehand, up front, even if only temporary.
- Perhaps schedule a visit with the family! – circumstances allowing, build-in grandparent or auntie/uncle time to your schedule and make everyone aware that’s the time you’ll be taking to get your YOU time in. You can visit with your family during this time too, but segment it wisely, so you have time for both.
- Hire outside help – if circumstances don’t allow for the family to keep an eye on the little one(s) for awhile, consider hiring a babysitter for a set amount of time every week, for example. NO GUILT! You need a break sometimes, too!
- Start SMALL – Mom Guilt doesn’t mess around. It will take some time to get used to taking time away from the family to do your thing, and it will take some time to shake the guilt and realize the world is not going to implode if you take time to do what YOU want to do for a bit. So start with small time increments at first, let everyone adjust, and gradually increase as you see fit.
- Taking time for yourself is important! Make it happen the way you make everything else happen, you awesome mom you!
- It will improve your mood to have some quiet self-time and/or work on a project you are passionate about, and a happy mom is a good mom!
- It will help teach the kids independence, patience, and respect!
- NaNoWriMo is a great excuse to put this into practice, and train your family at the same time! 😉 (see www.nanowrimo.org)
I now shower upon you inspiring quotes regarding the importance of self-care and looking after YOU... for only when you are certain to take care of YOU are you then able to properly take care of OTHERS!
Need MORE convincing? Here are a few articles on the subject of learning to say NO more often, in order to make room for things that are top priority for you!
- Setting Boundaries Using NO: http://authorkristenlamb.com/2017/09/the-linchpin-of-all-success-invoking-the-no/
- Guilt is a LIE: http://authorkristenlamb.com/2017/09/invoking-the-no-part-2-guilt-is-a-lie-why-boundaries-benefit-everyone/
- Take time to rest! https://michaelhyatt.com/not-energizer-bunny.html
- Consider the NOT To Do List! https://michaelhyatt.com/do-you-have-a-not-to-do-list.html
- Consequences of an Out of Balance Life (and by “work”, that translates to staying at home with the kids and managing the house, don’t forget!): https://michaelhyatt.com/five-consequences-of-a-life-out-of-balance.html
- Are you busy for busyness’ sake? Stop it!! https://www.forbes.com/sites/timmaurer/2017/03/11/why-busyness-isnt-good-business/#c96e8f62a91f
Are you unsure how you might carve out a bit of YOU TIME amid all the THINGS you need to do each day? I empathize. I used to feel the same way. I work a full time job, have a husband who also works a full time job, a kid in school (which you think would make things better – NOT – enter homework, projects, meetings, events, fundraisers, parties, field trips, BLARG), a house with acreage, and probably too many animals to be labeled a sane person, to boot. BUT you know what? I found out once I COMMITTED to a little self-time every day… it happened. Consistently. And it was AMAZING. And my mood improved 1000%, too!!! I couldn’t believe the transformation.
So give it a try. I promise you’ll love it!
They key thing I use to help carve out my bit of time is again from Michael Hyatt. Go through your daily tasks and consider each one carefully. Then ask yourself these three questions for each of them:
- Can this process/task be AUTOMATED?
- Can this process/task be DELEGATED?
- Can this process/task be ELIMINATED?
You’d be surprised how much time you can free up by doing this.
AUTOMATE the bill paying.
DELEGATE the house cleaning.
ELIMINATE checking Facebook aimlessly for an hour every morning.
You get the idea. Start small, but start this process. You’ll love what you can accomplish with it! And if you need more encouragement, help, or have other questions about any of this, don’t forget to join our Facebook group! It’s full of other Indie Author Moms just like you!